Last time I saw him I looked him straight in the eye to make him believe that everything was fine. I also believed it, I lied to myself. My never ending trance of falsified hope that has only led me astray. I apologize for this but I’ve noticed I like to pretend and with that I like to make people pretend too…but people don’t always know that its a game, a game that I also fall in to. There is definitely a side to myself that I have yet to have control of, that needs to change. Fast.
And there are already some major changes that I am going through. They all direct to a positive me but I always seem to miss the old me. I have learned to let go and accept what I think now and who I am now. I always try to embrace myself and keep a clear and open mind for a better me. I have decided that I will stop what I have with Blake, I don’t think its healthy for me nor for him. Even though he might not care with who I talk to, I do. I’m sad about this and I can’t help it but it is what it is and there are things that I need to do in order to keep growing.
School is easy.work is fun. saw Magin again. Trying to be friends with Brooklyn. Carmen is carmen. Hannah and boy problems. Saw sam flax and his lovely girl Sarah. Blake. Blake. Blake. Shit I’m starting to really like him…
Lovely night with Blake